Christmas Blog - You're Amazing

Reflection authored by Michelle Williams, Parishioner

Prayer is defined in many different ways. It can be so simple and so deep . It is said Prayer can be defining. Prayer is a grace-filled comfort and relationship building with God, Mary, numerous Saints, plus the Angels. Sometimes we over look personal relationships with ourselves, family and friends, but mostly we overlook our personal relationship with God because of a feeling of unworthiness, guilt, or bitterness and that is where Reconciliation comes in and the belief that there is nothing you can do to make God  give up on you !!!!

Prayer is universal, Personal and to be shared. A good example of that is a Retreat or CEW. Making prayer a priority is a choice. It is to be prayed in Joy, Sorrow, Despair, Hope, Grief, and Gratitude.

My husband and I were Blessed with 7 children. Which has always offered plenty of opportunity to pray. One of my fondest memories was when I would be putting the seat-belt on our youngest daughter’s car-seat. The seat-belt would get stuck when it was time to pick up the 5 older children from 3 different schools. I would say an Our Father almost daily. By the time our daughter was 3-years-old and had a baby brother, she knew the Our Father and would say it every afternoon on our way to pick-up. I didn’t have the heart to tell her we had a different car and it didn’t stick anymore, plus I loved hearing her say it. We had built a faith relationship over a seat-belt.

Every time I hear a siren Police, Fire, or Ambulance, I always say a Hail Mary for the First Responders and the people they are responding to. I hope all my children also say it for they grew up saying it .

I worked at On With Life for 13 years, I saw families be devastated for their loved ones. I started carrying the little metal finger Rosaries and would give them one saying, “Hold this tight and know prayers are being said for you and your loved one. I would say 90% knew nothing about a Rosary or how to say one but that didn’t matter - for they  would be praying holding it. I am sure you have no idea  how many times a day you say a little prayer. Try to keep track one day and see how many  prayers you say. It will either be reassuring or a wake-up call. I even say a prayer for the person pulled over by the police - that the ticket doesn’t cost too much, that it doesn’t raise their insurance, or that it doesn’t put a burden on the family. Those little prayers lead us to think of others and is making more time to pray, Your prayer life just becomes a priority . Giving you grace, a closeness to God and peace.

 The benefits of prayer are so many. Such as Peace of Mind, Miracles, and not feeling like you are going through things alone. Prayer can end the feeling of helplessness, when there is nothing you can do - you can pray. Prayer can give you Grace, confidence, reassurance, and a closeness to God that ends in friendship. My daughter called today because she could not find a Christmas present she had had made. It is a painted picture of the house her dad grew up in and all our children visited often. I said  “Say a prayer to St. Anthony” and she went on to another topic. The next thing I hear is “Mom, I found it and didn’t even have time to say the prayer yet” I answered “I did” !!!

Novenas are usually short and a wonderful way to pray.  Finding the Saints in my everyday life has brought so much more to my prayer life .  PrayMoreNovenas.com is one of my favorite ones. Bring awareness to what is needed in the world and in our own lives. 3 minute Retreats or Meditations are also easy ways to find time to pray.

 Pray with confidence . Pray from your heart. I worked two jobs while our four oldest were in College and the younger ones were in middle school and High School. I worked in the School District from 7:15 to 3:15 ran and got the youngest ones to what activity they needed to be at and the others home, put dinner in the oven, and left for On With Life. Starting my Rosary on the way there and finishing it at 8:30 on my way home. Do you think I could have found those two jobs that fit so well and always gave me time off to attend everything for school without prayer and an amazing husband, which God put in my life? I don’t!  Praying does not just happen out of need or gratitude, you have to make time to pray or fit it in - It is a habit that brings so much joy, peace, relationships and love to your life and would not leave much time for bad habits! It is an example that leaves an impression on you, your children, spouse, significant other, family and community. Prayer takes us out of ourselves to a greater good.

 It is not easy fitting in the Advent Wreath every night in December or to do a Lenten obligation as a family or with friends, but it is a special gift you give them. Prayer is a gift you give to yourself and to God. Every morning before I get out of bed I say 3 things I am grateful for and every night before I fall asleep I say 3 different thing I am grateful for. Three for the Trinity!  Gratitude is a big part of praying,  a big part of our attitude, a big part of how we live our life  and even how we treat people.

Tonight before I go to sleep I will be grateful for prayer.

Reflection authored by Barb Bennett, Parishioner

As I read this chapter about the value of silence and the author’s comparison of introverts and extroverts and even, or particularly, the idea of waiting for God to speak in the silence I was reminded of a private retreat I went on quite a few years ago. It sticks in my mind to this day because of the amazing power of God to reach me. I had been on retreats before so I was very aware of the gifts I anticipated receiving during my 5 days of silence.

It didn’t go at all as I expected.  I read and pondered every piece of Scripture my director had provided and yet, nothing was happening.  I was dry as a bone. Even the weather refused to cooperate. It was cold and raining the entire time.  My little hermitage began to feel like a prison.  However, I kept waiting and following directions day after day.  Nothing.

Since the scripture passages I was given didn’t seem to open the flow of the blessings I expected I chose on one particularly rainy afternoon to read the whole book of Song of Songs. I had been hearing about this and really hadn’t spent any time with it so why not? God wasn’t coming to me so I would forge my own path. The next day I read it again (it is a beautiful love story) along with my daily dose of assigned scriptures.

By the last evening I was pretty sure this retreat had been a total waste of time, money and energy. God must be busy somewhere else, with someone else because I felt I had faithfully participated and waited to be amazed. I was ready and open, but frustration was the only emotion I was feeling or would be taking away with me from this experience. So, let’s just be done with this one.

I decided I would sit at my little table, have a nice dinner and a lovely glass of wine and then I would pack up my belongings and be ready to take off in the morning. And then it happened. For the first time in days I saw the sun creating shadows in my room.  The sun, which I hadn’t seen in days! I walked to the sliding glass door and the amazement surrounded me. I stepped outside and every piece of grass, tree limb, bush and leaf glistened like diamonds. I was surrounded by beauty that welled within me and overflowed through my tears.  The darkness and the rain became my gift, my grace, my blessing.  I was the bride in the garden of the Song of Songs and I was well and truly loved.

God is in the waiting. God will use everything around me to get my attention. The silence spoke of an amazing love. I am transported back to that day every time I see water glistening in the sun or ice sparkling on the trees and bushes after a winter storm.  There are no diamonds more beautiful or love more secure. I carry that in me always.

Reflect: 

• When have you been surprised or amazed by God?

• What do you hear in the silence?

Reflection authored by: Debbie Landuyt, Parishioner

The first time I heard anyone mention praying an hour a day was at my first Christian Experience Weekend 30 years ago.  I was a young mom working full-time with two young children and a husband in college.  Pray an hour a day?  Are you crazy?  Most days I didn't feel I had a minute to spare, let alone an hour!  Needless to say, I was one of the disciples Jesus found sleeping.

Through the years, I've worked on adding concentrated prayer into my day, many times with good intentions that faded when life got in the way.  I filled my hours with things I deemed more important to daily life and keeping a household running.  Yes, I had times when I "worked prayer into my day," with things like the Examen, the rosary or silence but focused, intentional time of sitting with God wasn't happening. 

Fast forward 27 years (yes, some us are slow learners), to no kids at home, a working husband and many attempts at a consistent prayer time.  Recovery from shoulder surgery was taking longer than expected and, after a couple weeks, I wondered how I'd spend my time.  Not being a TV watcher, I considered adding daily scriptures to my reading material.  I hate to admit one of my initial thoughts was, "I don't have anything better to do."  I started using Give Us This Day to pray the daily readings and journal my reflections.  Three years later this is a nearly daily practice, although there are days I find myself either "too busy" or "not in the mood."  Most days it's only 30 minutes, but at least I'm finally making headway.

A request to blog about this book took me to prayer and this was my reflection the day I said "yes."

"Here it is Thursday and I haven’t prayed the daily readings or journaled since Monday. That might explain my feelings of imbalance these last few days. Beginning the day with God changes things, it shifts me into right vision.  It's far too easy to slip away and sometimes hard to get back, yet God is always patiently waiting.

The readings today (December 10) fall on ears that hear only words and aren’t reaching my heart.  Perhaps I'm distracted with the idea of writing a blog.  I need to open myself to the Spirit’s call to a particular chapter and I haven’t heard it yet. The first words of Isaiah 41:13-20 actually strike me now as they didn’t at first.  I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, “Fear not, I will help you.”  I sit here with tears in my eyes, shaking my head and wondering when I will ever comprehend the fullness of my relationship with God. There are always signs I miss when I think I need to make a decision.  I prayed for the Spirit to guide me to the right chapter but, obviously, I kept my hands on things.  I hadn’t reached out to be led by God’s  hand.  I'm afraid I'll fall short on this assignment yet He says, "Fear not, I will help you."  Lord, I place this decision in Your hands knowing I'll be guided to write what You want.”

I continue praying with scripture and following God's lead.  I'm praying how God calls me to and He calls you in a unique way, too.  Having time to pray an hour daily is great but if it means snippets throughout the day, keep praying.  It's a start and eventually you'll be able to spend the entire hour awake with Jesus.

“The wish to pray is a prayer in itself.”  ~ George Bernanos

“God speaks in the silence of the heart.  Listening is the beginning of prayer.” ~ Mother Teresa

“Pray as you can, not as you can't.” ~ Dom Chapman

BONUS:

• If you are interested in using “Give Us This Day” contact Tom Primmer to be added to our parish bulk mailing order. only $20 a year.

• CEW is typically held in February. This year, due to COVID, we are not offering CEW. The CEW Community is instead having a renewal day for all! Join us Saturday, February 6 9:00am to 3:00pm - virtually or in-person (subject to change to all virtual if needed). Then join us for a full CEW in February 2022!

Reflection written by: Abby Henderson, Associate Director of Faith Formation grades 6-8

I am a huge fan of Saint Teresa of Avila, a 15th century Catholic mystic from Spain. Her guide on spiritual development through prayer and service, The Interior Castle, brought me to my knees several times last year when I read it for the first time.

I’d taken myself away on a hermitage retreat in northern Minnesota, just me, God, & my tiny cabin in the woods with no running water or electricity (it did have gas for heating & lighting) for three days.  It was glorious.  Life stripped down to little or no noise beyond the birds on the lake and the wind in the trees allowed for God’s voice, through Scripture and her book, to speak loudly.

I was reminded of how much work I need to do on myself and my own relationship with Jesus before I can truly do the work of helping others to know God better. I need to have my own joy that is rooted firmly in the truth of Christ to be a true disciple.  I need to inspect my own interior life, castle, space, whichever suits you. Yes, I will stumble and make mistakes, but resting in God gives me the strength to get back up.

In this year, when my ministry has changed drastically due to social distancing, that previous work on my interior life has been a blessing. The face to face connection of youth ministry has entirely shifted.  Encouraging others, young and older, to seek & grow their friendship with Christ through daily prayer is vital.  The suggestion offered at the end of this chapter of taking 5 minutes in the morning is wonderful. 

It’s hard, too, if you’re in a stage of life of getting kids up & ready for school, or if you are the kid getting up & ready for school, but I can assure you from personal experience, every day I take the time to do this, the days are better, even when they might also be hard.

During this Advent I took advantage of our Christmas tree and got up early to turn the lights on and sit in the quiet glow of the early morning dark, first in silence with God, going over the previous day and the upcoming one, asking & listening for God’s guidance and help and then listening to a brief daily reflection of from Gospel of Matthew.  Those moments prepared me for the day, to get my own interior life in order, so that I might better be an instrument of Christ’s joy to my family, my parish, and the world. Take up the challenge of spending those moments in silence to work on your interior life, for, as Teresa of Avila says, “(Mental) Prayer is nothing else than being on terms of friendship with God”.

Reflection authored by: Fr Michael Amadeo, Pastor OLIH

In September 2018 I was provided the opportunity to study & live in Israel/Palestine for three months. Tantur Ecumenical Center was my home base while I was in the Holy Land.  Tantur is a 35 acre campus, located a few blocks from the entrance into the city of Bethlehem, that has an impressive set of stone buildings, gardens and 500 olive trees. 

My prayer life at the time was minimal and dry.  Stephanie Saldana, who has lived in the Middle East for seventeen years soon became my Spiritual Director during my time in the Holy Land.  During our first meeting, after listening to me describe the current state of my prayer life, she invited me to go into the gardens at Tantur and sit in front of a beautiful icon of Christ the New Adam.  Stephanie invited me to simply sit & listen.  Say nothing, petition for nothing, be grateful for nothing. Just sit and be still.

In the following weeks I frequently returned to the garden spot and the life size icon;  I sat and listened. I heard again the words spoken long ago, words I needed to hear again. The words of God’s love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

Upon my return from sabbatical, I frequently was asked the question, ‘What did I learn from my time in the Holy Land?’  Most inquirers expected to hear about a biblical location, a scriptural insight, or an understanding into the Middle East conflicts.  Many were surprised with my response:  The greatest learning was to once again fall in love with Jesus of Nazareth. 

The time spent before the icon in the Tantur gardens renewed and refreshed my being.  To be in love is not so much to speak to another, rather it is to be content and still in the presence of the other. A young couple in the early stages of their relationship have a desire to be with each other.  There is a longing to be in the presence of the other.  Over time the couple settles into a routine where work, hobbies, and family life takes precedence over being with one another. The desire to be with the other becomes secondary.  This dynamic is also true in our relationship with God.  Over time if an individual is not attentive and intentional to the relationship with God one can fall out of love with God. To be present, still, and listening is at the heart of relationships, human or spiritual.

My prayer still includes petitions and thanksgivings.  It also includes time for being still and listening to the One that invites me daily to fall in love with Christ the New Adam, my savior, Jesus of Nazareth.

Author Justin Fatica writes, “Listening to God is not just about meditation, or some routine thought process;  its being in communion and in a relationship with a God who dwells within us.” pages 77-78

Question:

• Do you incorporate being still and listening in your prayer life?

Challenge:

• In your prayer time, include five minutes of silence.

• On your drive to work, the grocery store, or picking up children from school, turn off the radio or the podcast; embrace the quiet and know that God desires you to fall in love with the One who created you.

Picture of the icon Christ the New Adam at Tantur Ecumenical Institute

Reflection authored by: Mary Jones, Parishioner

I was walking on our treadmill when I first read the chapter, “Offer It Up.  That’s a phrase I heard while growing up and I immediately thought of my grandmother.  She suffered from debilitating arthritis that prevented her from walking and her hands were permanently folded inward.  She and Grandpa prayed the rosary every day but she also sacrificed her pain for “the souls in purgatory.”  She didn’t take medicine for her pain but would instead “offer it up.”

Now, I don’t relate to people who are like Abby in the chapter who say they like to exercise but after I finished reading Chapter 15, my thought was to offer the remaining minutes on the treadmill for someone who really needed prayers.  I chose a goddaughter who is being treated for breast cancer and shingles.  Her chemotherapy treatments have been harsh and leave her very ill and the shingles have added to her misery.   

My prayer for her became this mantra:

I love you, Jesus.

In your name I pray

For Cindy’s good health

Of body and soul. 

Praying for her became very deliberate and focused.  The mantra was repeated for the remaining minutes of my exercise time on the treadmill. 

Praying for others doesn’t have to be physical.  Recently a friend of ours was in the hospital.  We lit a special candle and placed it in a central spot of our home.  During the day we were reminded of the health crisis our friend was enduring and we offered prayers for him whenever we saw the candle.   

Who needs your prayers?  Try offering your day or a particularly vexing time of it.  If you are feeling frustrated over any of the difficulties of 2020, get creative about offering up that frustration.  Make a treat for someone who is lonely.  Write a letter to someone in the military.  Create a positive sign to hang in your window. Whenever you see a need, respond with love and prayer, just like Jesus taught us.   

Using my grandmother’s example, find a way to

Offer It Up!

Reflection authored by: Joyce Clawson, Associate Director of Faith Formation 1st through 5th grade

Never Give Up

These three words sound so simple but when put if life’s circumstances, they are no always so easy.  In this chapter 14, Justin Fatica gave the example of how he never gave up  on getting married to his wife.  It got me to thinking about what thing in my life I have not given up on.  I have come to the conclusion the most important example would be that it was having my husband, Greg, convert to Catholicism.  When we were married, he was Lutheran and he never had a problem with me not being willing to change to his religion. He even willingly agreed to raise our children in the Catholic faith.  I had really hoped he would join since he attended with me each week for years.  But over those years, he didn’t want to convert so I just kept on praying that he would one day.  Then the time came when we were expecting our first child and wha-la: he said he wanted to meet with our priest and become Catholic so we would raise our child with the same religion.  At that time, RCIA didn’t exist so he met with Fr. Paul Hans, one-on-one and was so happy and excited to become a member.  All those years (five to be exact!) of praying and hoping brought Greg to want to do it.  And now, the kicker of all of this is is that he is now a devout Catholic, strong in his faith and love of God and man!  So I have learned that prayer, perseverance and never giving up on your dream can make it happen.  I challenge you to try it and see what happens!

Reflection authored by: Fr James Downey, Associate Pastor OLIH and St Luke’s

“hope is the mystery of the cross” – You are Amazing, page 64 (out of context, but poignant)

                Suffering has been part of the human experience ever since the Fall of man, but the idea that one can “suffer well,” as this chapter suggests, is a bit strange to the modern mind. Wellness and suffering are normally considered irreconcilable opposites: if you’re suffering, you’re not well and if you’re well, you aren’t suffering; insofar as you are one, you are not the other. So, to try and stuff these two together and say that you can suffer well can seem a bit not sensical, but only if you’re a stone-hearted materialist that believes there is nothing more to the human being than meat and bones and brain matter. Both suffering and wellness can go much deeper than what Advil, Tylenol, or Tums can reach, just as much as there is much more to the human being than just the dust-to-dust parts. Think of it: every valve and ventricle might be functioning perfectly while someone suffers from a broken heart.  We suffer when something isn’t there that apparently should be. In the beautiful, mixed-up mess of physiological, psychological, and spiritual aspects that make of the human being (ref. 1 Thessalonians 5:23), this suffering could be when there’s a lack of proper functioning on the cellular level, there’s a lack of loved one at a family table, or there is a lack of God’s tangible Presence or grace. Suffering could be principally on any one of these levels or you could get hit on every level at once, but what does it mean “to suffer well”?

                One thing “suffering well” does NOT mean is finding joy in suffering for suffering’s sake. That is what we call masochism (when it is our suffering) or sadism (when is someone else’s) and that is a twisted suffering and lack of proper wellness on many levels. Suffering, whether is be on the natural or moral level, is a type of evil and it is not a good thing in itself. And yet, the possibility to “suffer well” means that, somehow someway, goodness can be found in the midst of suffering and to not find that goodness in its midst would be to “suffer poorly.” If the goodness doesn’t come from the suffering, where does this goodness come from? One possible source is us: in the sense that we can “make the most of a bad situation” or “make lemonade out of lemons” or “always look on the bright side of life.” There’s much to be said for this and a lot of wellness to be had from a not-naïve optimism combined with some tenacity and industriousness, but clearly there are limits to human endurance and situations where even our best efforts fall woefully short of the challenges we can face. Our strength is not enough to suffer well. There is only one source so wise and full of goodness to be able to work out some goodness, even a greater goodness, from the midst every type and degree of human suffering. Lucky for us, that source of goodness did not hesitate to throw Himself right into the thick of our sufferings, share in them, and take them upon Himself.

                I prefaced this reflection with “hope is the mystery of the cross,” because in Christ’s crucifixion, all human suffering finds the possibility for redemption. Christ’s suffering and death, although evil, were not pointless, meaningless, or ineffective. Rather, by His Passion, not only is man redeemed, but human suffering as well, because His suffering for another made even suffering open as a means to salvation. That does not mean that we can save ourselves through suffering; it means that our suffering can be joined to Christ’s saving suffering. In joining ourselves to Christ, our crosses to the cross of Christ, we are also joined to what is far beyond us: Christ’s resurrection and new life. So, “suffering well” means suffering with Christ. In the long run, through Him, hope and goodness can be found in the midst of that shared suffering, hope for shared resurrections and eternal life. In the meanwhile, hope and goodness can be found in the midst of our suffering, because we know we are not alone or abandoned in it; our God and our Savior is right next to us in the thick of it. If you ever need a reminder of this, look to a crucifix.

Reflection authored by: Joan “Ski” Sieczkowski, OLIH Communications Coordinator

I’ll be honest. This must have been the first ‘unclaimed’ chapter I saw on the list and that’s why I signed up for it. “Successful Confrontation” is not only an oxymoron in my life, it is non-existent!

I was raised in a household of, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” So my defacto coping mechanism for conflict is to clam up. (Now you know my secret—if I’m not talking to you, I’m upset with you; no doubt one of the factors in the demise of my first marriage. My ex enjoyed fighting, I did not. Thus, my passive-aggressive-self learned that fighting is like clapping—impossible to do with just one hand!)

In reading over this chapter’s ‘Model for Successful Confrontation’, my first thought was “I’ve never done this or felt the need to”—especially not with friends. (H’mmm, is that because I only hang out with like-minded people or because I don’t have many friends?) And, my default laissez-faire attitude for anyone else would be, ‘they’re entitled to their own opinion/way of doing things’ (however misguided that might be!)

As I dug deeper though, I thought of the times I had to deal with conflict back in my management days. In those days, I did not work at places where I could have started the meeting off in prayer but I did pray for help in dealing with the turbulence I was feeling in having to terminate someone’s employment. Sure enough, God gave me a sense of peace with the realization it was the employee, not me, who was in control. I wasn’t the ‘meanie’ for firing someone, instead, after weeks of meeting about expectations, on jointly coming up with action plans, of discussions on those plans then not being followed, and in essence, delaying the inevitable, that it really was the employee who made the decision—consciously or unconsciously—they didn’t want the job. My part was to help them be at peace with their decision and, as my Dad, used to counsel, “at the end of the day, each person needs to walk away with their dignity intact.”

Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll ever be a professional mediator like Deacon Jeff but this chapter was a big help in laying out a course of action—full of love and prayer (heaven knows we could all use more of that right now!)—in case I ever feel the need to have a ‘Successful Confrontation’.

Reflection authored by: Fr James Downey, Associate Pastor OLIH and St Luke’s

The Confessional, also referred to as “the box” or “the sin bin,” is often understood as a cramped, dark place surrounded by fear, shame, and generally unpleasant feelings. Within it’s confines, you get to dredge up all the parts of you that you don’t want to even acknowledge to yourself, let alone to someone else, and then openly and audibly admit where you have been your worst. But don’t worry, if this association of fear wasn’t enough to keep you away, most of society will tell you not to bother about confession: it’s unnecessary, because you’re a generally good person or at least you can point out someone who is worse, and any bad feelings are just a product of the inhumane moral standards set by your “Catholic Guilt.” I mean, if there is such a thing as sin and God is as nice as people say, then surely He’ll understand and let my less flattering moments just slide, right? Also, “guilt” and “penance” and “mortal sin” are such ugly words; I think I’ll skip those and only think about nice ones like “forgiveness” or “mercy” or “happy-accidents.” I could go on with a hundred other reasons justifying why I can stay miles, months, years, and decades away from that strange little place called the Confessional, each more sincere and more self-exculpating than the last, piling into a mountain between me and ever darkening its door.  If it’s really necessary, I’ll just save it till my deathbed…

As is evident from the paragraph above, many of us could be Olympic gold-medalists for the mental gymnastics we go through to avoid facing and confronting the reality of our own sins. Even for the best of us, there are times when we fall short of the perfect fulfillment of those two great laws: Love God and Love your Neighbor. When we fail or miss the mark in those, when we don’t love our God or our neighbor to the degree we are called or we love something more than them, we sin. When we sin, that relationship between us and the Creator or His creation is wounded or broken and its beyond our power to fix or heal it.  Trying to avoid facing one’s sin is like a person, hobbling around with a compound fracture, trying to convince themselves and others that “its fine.” The best way that person is going to find health and healing is if they get to a doctor and place themself, wound and all, in the doctor’s care. The best way you’re going to find the fullness of forgiveness and freedom is if you get to that sacrament of Reconciliation and place yourself, sins and all, in the care of Christ.

This will require Honesty, which will both stem from and beget humility. By fully admitting one’s faults, without reserve, it leads to a humility which shatters pride. It helps dispel the lie that I can live uprightly on my own strength and it helps me to recognize that my sinfulness is too big for me to handle. At the same time, honesty and humility also help me to recognize that nothing I have done or can do is too big for God.  When at last, we’ve seen with clearer eyes both God’s goodness to us and our rejection of His goodness, it will lead us to the odd couple of Contrition and Hope. The contrition, or sorrow, for our sins is ideally more concerned with the One whose great and saving Love we’ve spurned rather than with threat of punishment. It is not a useless sorrow which only succeeds to discourage or overwhelm, but a sorrow about right things, like failing to love the one’s we’re called to love and rejecting the love of the One who loves us the most; a sorrow which sets us on the road to reconciliation. Hope comes from that knowledge of God’s promise of forgiveness and salvation and from the knowledge that His promises are trustworthy. This hope gives us the drive to walk that road towards reconciliation to its end. What the Church calls “a firm amendment to change” is us saying that, no matter how many missteps and faceplants I have along the way, I will continue to walk that road to reconciliation with the One who loves me until every part of my life is reconciled to God’s life. Nothing is more worthwhile than walking this road and it all begins with taking a kneel or a seat and the words, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned…”

Reflection authored by: Joan Quinlin, Parishioner

Conflict is inevitable in our lives. We each have our own ideals and opinions and every situation we are in will find us with people that have their own opinions and ideas that may be different than ours.                      

As children we disagree with our siblings and friends over toys, games, TV programs, etc.

As teenagers we don’t always see eye to eye with our parents, teachers or friends on home rules, assignments, activities or things we should or shouldn’t do.

As adults we have to work with our family, roommates or spouses, employers and employees on how to live and work peacefully.

Most problems are worked out by a discussion or rules that are set by an authority or a common understanding between parties.

 Other times things lead to a more complicated problems and need a confrontation to settle them.

One of my biggest confrontation was with my sister after my Father passed away in the early 1990’s. My Mother decided to move closer to one of  her children, who all lived hours from our hometown.

After 6 months of visiting, talking and praying she decided to move to my brother’s in Texas. My brother was mid 40’s with many health problems and unable to work because of poor eyesight and home alone most of the day and she saw a place to be helpful. My sister was not happy because she was a single parent with 2 teenage girls and wanted my Mother’s help. We called a family meeting and with many prayers, opinions and discussion it was resolved by it being my Mother’s choice and needs.

 Any time you are in a conflict and need a confrontation-pray hard for all parties involved, yourself, and a satisfying solution.

PRAY, be OPEN, LISTEN, Share and explain the issues and DISCUSS and stick to the topic and hope for a peace agreement for all parties.

Reflection authored by: Gary Brown, Parishioner

One of the talents God gave me was athletic ability.  As a child when we would pick people to be on a team, I was always picked near the front.  Winning was the goal, and I won a lot.  It never gets tiresome!

Besides sports, it was also fun to win in the business world.  Maybe you won a contract with a big customer that other competitors were going after.  That was fun!

Ten years ago I started teaching religious education, now called Faith Formation, to a 5th grade class of 10 and 11 year old kids.  I found that by trying to bring out the best in each child was a method I could use to win.  It was still a game.  It was fun; and it gave me much satisfaction. 

An example was the Christmas party the fifth graders hosted for the three second grade classes.  That meant there would be 30 - 40 kids in a room that usually holds 10 students.  We assigned each of our 5th graders to three 2nd grade students.  They were to give their kids punch and cookies and play some games that were provided. 

I was worried about one of our students, a girl who was very shy.  She didn’t interact a lot with her classmates, didn’t volunteer answering questions, and when she did speak it was so soft that others couldn’t hear her.  As the kids got into their groups with the 2nd graders, I would go around the room and see if the kids needed any help.  I purposely was going to make sure my shy girl got a lot of my attention.  I wasn’t sure she would be successful hosting her 3 guests.  Instead she was a star!  I couldn’t have asked for a better leader.

After the session as our kids were getting ready to leave, I took my “star” aside and praised her for being such a gracious host. I then asked her if she had ever thought about being a teacher when she got older.  She said she had and I told her she would be excellent.  A big smile came across her face.  The next semester “our star” became more outgoing and confident.  I won. More importantly, she won and that was the goal.

Reflection authored by: Jan Brown, Parishioner and local AMOS coordinator

How often are we really honest with ourselves?  It is difficult to look deep within ourselves and see why we react the way we do.  I have become aware that I have a hot button.  Rejection is my hot button and when I feel this way, I always react the same way. I have followed exactly the same patterns time after time.   Whenever I had a disagreement or felt put down by someone, I always reacted the same.  I walked off in a huff and felt sorry for myself. I cultivated and massaged my hurt.  I wouldn’t face the person head on.  I buried my anger.  Finally, I resumed my normal life, like nothing ever happened, never resolving the issue.

 I did not realize this until I completed the Ignation Spiritual Exercises.  I didn’t like what I realized about myself and my inability to change.  But if I was ever going to become a better person, I needed to react differently when I felt rejection. The Exercises helped me to be really honest with  myself and vulnerable, especially with God.  According to Chapter 8 in our book “You’re Amazing”, you will only find true freedom when you are real about the battles you face and face them head-on. 

 Since the George Floyd murder by members of the Minneapolis police force, I had to look deeply at myself to understand what was happening in our society.  I started to read books and take courses from various sources about the causes of discrimination.  I also had to look deep within my own heart.  What role did I play?  I studied, I discussed and I prayed.  What racial policies have I supported?  Why do I live in Ankeny in a nice middle class neighborhood rather than in Des Moines in a more diverse neighborhood.  Why did I want my children to go to the Ankeny Schools?  Am I fearful when I see a black man approaching me in an area I consider unsafe?

Certainly, I am not racist!  I believe we are all children of God and should be treated equally.

Taking the course entitled “What Lies Between Us” by Dr. Lucretia Carter Berry, I took an Implicit Bias test to determine if I had any bias towards people of color.  How did I score?  I was so ashamed.  The test results showed I definitely show bias towards people of color.   How can this be? I thought I was a good person.  Knowing this has caused me to want to change. 

“You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32.)  The book tells us that  “being real sometimes hurts, but it will empower you to change the world.  Jesus Christ died on a bloody cross, so we might have life.  Christ set us free.” 

Reflection authored by: Vicki Berberich, Parishioner

““Are you kidding me?” Those are the thoughts I had one cold winter night sitting in the OLIH Daily Mass Chapel with my women’s faith sharing group. I had opened my heart to the group that I was really struggling with a colleague.

This person I felt was looking for opportunities to be negative with me. I was coming to work feeling sick that they would come to my office to “chat” then criticize anything they possibly could!

I knew I needed to do something but was at a loss on how to handle. Here I was sitting in the chapel at church and one of my faith sharing friends looked me in the eyes with such love and said “Vicki you need to pray for this person.” “What are you kidding me”? How can I pray for them! I took in those words and I think that night I didn’t sleep a wink! I know my friends words were just what I needed to hear. I know that the Holy Spirit was keeping me up that night I felt the nudge and I listened.

I started to pray for this person. I prayed for them, prayed for their family, prayed for my heart to soften, I prayed for the courage to go talk to this person.

I did just that, I set up a meeting to visit with them. I asked my faith sharing friends to pray for me at the time we were meeting. I prayed before I went into the meeting.

At the meeting I know without a doubt it was God’s words and the prayers of my friends that came from my mouth. I shared with this person how I felt. That day everything changed the heavens opened up and I felt Love. It was by the power of prayer and love that I could open my heart and see the good in this person.

It’s not easy to “Love Know Matter What” it’s not easy to pray for someone whose hurt us. Although I would ask that you pray on it, ask others to pray with you and for you. Prayer is an amazing powerful blessing.

My prayer for all of you is try praying for those who have hurt you….you may be as surprised as I was!

Questions:

·         Is there someone in your life that is hard to “love no matter what”?

·         Would you consider starting to pray for that person? Ask others to pray with you and for you.

·         Maybe you’ve hurt someone, pray on it, ask for the Holy Spirit’s guidance, mayand maybe consider reaching out to them.

Dear Lord it’s not easy to Love no know matter what. Open my heart and soul to love others as you love me.

Reflection authored by: Becky Robovsky, Business Manager

I just had to write about this chapter.  I wanted to share my thoughts on letting God run my life—which I am wholeheartedly in favor of, in theory, and woefully dismal at, in reality.  Well, okay, maybe not woefully.  It’s just that, sometimes I forget.  I forget that God really is smarter than I am.  Or I forget that my life runs smoother when I consult with God first.  Or I forget that everything works better when God and I do it together.

This idea of “Letting go and letting God” can be misunderstood—it is not abdication.  It is co-creation: Me and God working together so that I can live the best life for me, so that I can have the abundant life Jesus promised.

And what about those times when my life did not go the way I expected or wanted, something bad happened, or a I experienced a terrible disappointment?  Haven’t we all been there?  And then sometime down the road a bit from the event, something else occurs or comes my way and I realize how fortuitous that disappointment was.  Or I never do see the good in it, the silver lining eludes me.  Then I have two choices, as I see it:  Be bitter, or have faith.  Faith that God has my back.  Faith works better for me.

This picture is of my bedroom.  The words above my bed were chosen by me long before I heard of this book.  These words of Jesus from Matthew’s Gospel have always given me comfort.  I want them over my head and in my heart every night as I fall asleep.  And I hope every morning when I wake up, I am excited for whatever God and I are creating that day, even if I have no idea what it is.

I do have an idea for another set of scripture, for a different room in our house.  I have always wanted some version of “wash away my iniquity, cleanse me of my sin” in the bathroom.  But that is a story for some other time.

Reflection authored by: Patty Mayer, Director of AFF, Coordinator of RCIA, and Spiritual Director

Years ago I was a counselor in a Residential Treatment facility for Juvenile Delinquents.  I learned quickly I needed to talk the talk and walk the walk.  Any discrepancy between what I said and what I did was challenged.  I didn’t discredit their challenge because I was their counselor, or because they were a delinquent teenager, instead I took it to heart. I couldn’t counsel them on integrity, honesty, trust, respect, or anything else unless I was willing to get real in how I lived those things too, which meant confronting my own weaknesses.

I remember a day I was leading a group therapy session and the boys were being especially difficult.  After repeated attempts to bring them into conversation and threats to repeat group tomorrow, I finally walked out.  Later that night one of the young men called me on my action.  He was pretty upset with me for leaving instead of leading. We had a beautiful conversation about his awareness of his abandonment issues and how my walking out triggered him. I apologized to him, making no excuses for my behavior. This situation called out my weakness to take flight during a difficult situation rather than to see it through. The next day, as we gathered to make-up the group session, I apologized to the whole group identifying that it wasn’t right of me to walk out, first, I know that many of them have abandonment issues and my actions may have only added to that, and second, as their counselor I am called to walk with them through tough situations, not leave them. I promised them I would not walk out again. For the next 9 years I never walked out on an individual, family, nor group, no matter how crazy it got. I learned to stick with it, and even lean into the uncomfortableness. I found conflict to be used as a defense mechanism protecting something real they didn’t want to talk about. The more I leaned in to the conflict the harder it was for them to avoid the real issues, this is where weaknesses would be revealed, while awareness and change could begin.  

This was not the first nor the last time I would apologize to a client, or a parent, or an entire group – we all mess up, and heartfelt apologies give us the chance to admit we are trying to be real, and that being real is hard, messy, and imperfect.

These were not the only life lessons I received while working with the teenagers. As a counselor I was open to learning from them as much as they learned from me. I am not sure I always appreciated it at the time, but what a gift they were as they showed my weaknesses over and over again, and unknowingly pushed me to be better.

A mistake we sometimes make in life is that we are “done” learning and growing. The last three years I have learned a lot about myself as I processed both my marriage and my divorce. I have spent a lot of time reflecting back on who I was before I met my ex, especially the time I worked with those young men and women, versus who I was at the end of my marriage. I was very different, and in many ways not a good different. So I started to dig into what changed and why.  I could sit here and blame my ex, but that doesn’t help because the only person I can change is me, (which was a life lesson I tried to teach my kids all those years ago). So I have looked at me, my weaknesses and my choices.  I’ve learned a lot about myself, and, like the young man above who confronted me, I have grown an awareness of “issues” and how I respond to them. My weaknesses will not go away, but I can learn how to live with them in positive ways, and, because I will screw up, as we all do, I will continue to be aware of and apologize for my weaknesses that lead me to make not so great choices.

Reflect:

• Am I aware of my own weaknesses?

• How do I respond when someone points out my weakness?

• How quick am I to point out the weakness of others?

BONUS MATERIALS:

• Being vulnerable is NOT weakness: Brene Brown

Reflection authored by Joyce Clawson, Associate Director of Faith Formation 1st - 5th grades

After reading this chapter, I find myself thinking about what the priorities I have in my life.  Justin Fatica listed four: faith, family, fruitfulness and fun.  I don’t know that I have ever “listed” or thought about priorities by specifically listing them; instead, I have always focused on the Great Commandment as a guide post for me: to love God with your whole heart and soul.  Once that was my center, everything else just fell naturally into place.  Does this mean I consider myself perfect-that I always do everything just right?  By no means!  But I do find it to be that solid, grounding force/premise.  It’s been my focus to return to it when my “human-ness” comes into play.  But after reading this chapter, I am going to challenge myself to broaden and expand upon that One Commandment and to possibly list priorities that I hope I do have.  I want to be able to recognize what happens in my life because of these priorities.  Will these priorities change?  Remain constant?  Enhance my relationship with God and people in my life?  This new priority is to make it so!

Reflection authored by: Marie Stefani, OLIH Bookkeeper

We’ve all heard the phrase:  KEEP IT SIMPLE.  When coaching, I try to keep this in mind.  I was always told it needs to be easy enough for a Fifth grader to understand, although this chapter says a Sixth grader, same difference.

So I will try to KEEP IT SIMPLE:  Love is Simple; Life is Simple if you: FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS.  Again, as with coaching volleyball, if we focus on what matters (the fundamentals), our game is on point.  When we lose our focus and our fundamentals aren’t sound, our game suffers.  This is true at every level, whether it be grade school or college.

The same is true in life, we get caught up in what our friends are doing, saying or have; thus losing sight of what really matters.  It doesn’t matter what our friends are doing, saying or have.  We all know possessions aren’t everything and the most important things in life aren’t “things”.  Possessions don’t make us happy long term.

When playing on a volleyball team or any team, you play better together when you have good chemistry.  This comes from being able to trust your teammates and getting along “loving your teammates as yourself” so to speak.  I always tell my teams: “you are best friends once you step foot on the volleyball court”.  Fans should not be able to tell there is tension among players on the court. As a coach, there is nothing more that I would like to see than the tension on THE OTHER SIDE of the court!  It helps my game plan and should work to our advantage.  On the flip-side, if it is happening to my team, I need to “nip it in the bud” immediately because it can be cancerous.  Loving your teammates like family or yourself allows them to focus on what matters at practice (improving fundamentals) and in a game (the win) in order to end up where they want to in the end (winning record, conference champions, regional qualifiers, state tournament).

So the take away from this chapter is Love/Life is simple and we make it complicated by worrying about unnecessary concerns.  KEEP IT SIMPLE:  LOVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS and FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS!

Reflection by: Mary Sankey & her kiddos,
Mary is the Associate Director of Faith Formation for Prek-K and Special Needs,

Reflection authored by: Patty Mayer, Director of AFF, Coordinator of RCIA, and Spiritual Director

In September of 2017 my husband told me he wanted a divorce, in October our house was put on the market and sold, then in November I put all my belongings into storage while I moved into my sister’s basement.  Being only two months in, wrapping my own head around what was happening, I had only told my inner circle of family and friends about what was going on.  Just before I moved I decided to make it more public because I knew I needed prayers and support from community, so I sent an email to our local CEW community to ask for prayers and support, and to be transparent about the hardship I was going through. I hit send and I was both sick, and at peace. I had just shared with hundreds of people the darkest experience of my life – an experience that included feelings I was still figuring out – shame, regret, confusion, and anger; yet, what a relief to bring it into the light and invite others to walk with me. I had opened a door that left me completely exposed. The response I received was so positive and came in many unexpected ways.  Something I heard multiple times was gratitude towards me for being so vulnerable and sharing so personally… I began to wonder if we don’t do this (vulnerability) enough. 

How often do we really “get naked” and vulnerable with others? Do we really reveal who we are, or do we hide ourselves behind masks, shields, walls, or anything that makes us feel protected?  How comfortable are we when someone else is vulnerable with us?

It’s hard to be real sometimes, to stand vulnerable and naked in front of others.  People tell me I do it well, OMGoodness, if only you could see me from the inside, as my mind goes blank, my whole body shakes, I fight tears, and sometimes want to throw up.

Part of working through my divorce has been digging deep to find myself, being open to the hard questions, and not letting up.  2020 has been a year of transformation and opening for me.  Living alone leaves lots of time for digging into my own heart and soul. With all that alone time at the beginning of the pandemic, my family thought I was crazy when I let them know, with great excitement, that in the middle of June I found a retreat center open and I was heading out for an 8-day silent retreat.  That retreat was transformational.  I worked with my spiritual director to face the many things that had been stirring up within me, and found ways to release some of the holds my marriage/divorce still had on me. I found freedom because I wasn’t afraid to lean into the hard conversations and dig deep within me with honesty. 

Brene Brown is an author and researcher in the subject of vulnerability and shame. In an interview she says that in those moments when you are living in uncertainty or vulnerability:

“Don’t tap out, stay brave, stay uncomfortable, stay in the crunchy moment, lean into the hard conversations, and keep leaning, stay brave.”

As I journey through life I do my best to be real and vulnerable because I believe it is essential.  When I am truly vulnerable I am able to see myself as I am – my strengths and my weaknesses – and take the next step in becoming the amazing person God created me to be!

Reflect:

• Who can I “get real” with?

• What areas of my life do I need to get more vulnerable with?

• How do I respond when others are vulnerable with me?

BONUS Material:

• In the book the author suggests finding a Spiritual Director.  CLICK here for a list of Spiritual Directors in the Diocese.  Spiritual Direction is a wonderful way of getting vulnerable in a safe space.

• Brene Brown is an amazing author and researcher on things such as shame and vulnerability. Here is her TED talk on vulnerability. I also highly recommend her book Daring Greatly, it made a huge impact on my life