Reflection authored by Barb Bennett, Parishioner
As I read this chapter about the value of silence and the author’s comparison of introverts and extroverts and even, or particularly, the idea of waiting for God to speak in the silence I was reminded of a private retreat I went on quite a few years ago. It sticks in my mind to this day because of the amazing power of God to reach me. I had been on retreats before so I was very aware of the gifts I anticipated receiving during my 5 days of silence.
It didn’t go at all as I expected. I read and pondered every piece of Scripture my director had provided and yet, nothing was happening. I was dry as a bone. Even the weather refused to cooperate. It was cold and raining the entire time. My little hermitage began to feel like a prison. However, I kept waiting and following directions day after day. Nothing.
Since the scripture passages I was given didn’t seem to open the flow of the blessings I expected I chose on one particularly rainy afternoon to read the whole book of Song of Songs. I had been hearing about this and really hadn’t spent any time with it so why not? God wasn’t coming to me so I would forge my own path. The next day I read it again (it is a beautiful love story) along with my daily dose of assigned scriptures.
By the last evening I was pretty sure this retreat had been a total waste of time, money and energy. God must be busy somewhere else, with someone else because I felt I had faithfully participated and waited to be amazed. I was ready and open, but frustration was the only emotion I was feeling or would be taking away with me from this experience. So, let’s just be done with this one.
I decided I would sit at my little table, have a nice dinner and a lovely glass of wine and then I would pack up my belongings and be ready to take off in the morning. And then it happened. For the first time in days I saw the sun creating shadows in my room. The sun, which I hadn’t seen in days! I walked to the sliding glass door and the amazement surrounded me. I stepped outside and every piece of grass, tree limb, bush and leaf glistened like diamonds. I was surrounded by beauty that welled within me and overflowed through my tears. The darkness and the rain became my gift, my grace, my blessing. I was the bride in the garden of the Song of Songs and I was well and truly loved.
God is in the waiting. God will use everything around me to get my attention. The silence spoke of an amazing love. I am transported back to that day every time I see water glistening in the sun or ice sparkling on the trees and bushes after a winter storm. There are no diamonds more beautiful or love more secure. I carry that in me always.
Reflect:
When have you been surprised or amazed by God?
What do you hear in the silence?