Written by Jeanne Frantik & Megan Zaleski
I invite you to consider a few things - the lives that we lead, the chaos we force upon ourselves, the anxiety that is created because of it, the damage we cause others because we worry so much about ‘what’ we are doing and how others see us and not ‘why’ we are doing it.
Think about this for a minute ‘how much of it really matters’? On the surface this sounds harsh, but when we really dig into what we do in our daily lives, how many of the things that we get upset about day in and day out really matters? If we are late somewhere, if the car gets a flat, if we burnt dinner… will it matter in an hour, a day, next week, next year? Not typically. What matters more is how we respond.
If we are so stressed about the milk your toddler spills on the floor that we explode and yell at the innocent accident by the little one in front of your other children… will it matter in an hour, a day, next week, next year?
Probably.
If the toddler spills milk and you calmly go over to clean it up, letting the toddler know that it is okay. Will that matter in an hour, a day, next week, next year?
Absolutely.
What fills our mind and time matters but let’s be clear, in the world we live in today, much of it doesn’t matter unless we are acting in ‘love’. The first letter of John tells us “No man has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” (1 John 4:12)
A wise priest once told me when we grasp onto things, such as the ideas and the chaos of the world, we are not open nor do we have any room to embrace the gifts that God has to give us. (Try closing your hand tightly in a fist, then open your grasped hand, and feel what it is like to be open to God.)
I invite you to remember this the next time something interrupts your daily routine. The next time a driver cuts you off, ask yourself, “does this really matter?” Not unless it causes you to cure, causes you to be upset throughout the day, allows you to be mad at those around you because the driver (who probably didn’t mean anything by it) cut you off.
Here is a brief story of how a single moment of deciding to act in love, had the power to change the trajectory of generations.
A dear friend of mine had a daughter that had an unplanned teenage pregnancy. The parents were not happy… embarrassed as to what it looked like to others. The plan was for the daughter to live with them until the birth of the child. Then she was on her own and they didn’t want anything to do with her or the baby.
This was the plan going into the delivery room. I was privileged enough to be there as the daughter’s doula (birth support). As we walked through labor, there were a few private moments with my friend and we discussed the daughter being ‘on her own’ after the delivery.
I spoke with her in terms of a lifetime. If she lived to be 100 years old, coming to terms with this “inconvenience” or “interruption” of how she thought life would go, would only be a speck of her lifetime. But if she decided in this single “speck” of time to abandon her daughter, what would that look like for the rest of their lives?
It might look like losing your daughter and grandchild, for weeks, years, possibly a lifetime. Is it worth it, for you to let anger, pride and ego or embarrassment dictate your decision - without factoring love into the equation? Is it fair to your daughter, your grandchild, the rest of your family?
When love is tightly woven throughout the journey of life, especially through acts of forgiveness, freedom is discovered, hearts find peace, and joy is found throughout the sorrows and celebrations. No matter how little the act of love, God is there. “God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” (1 John 4:16)
As you move through life, and ask yourself, “what am I doing?” If love is your why, just do it. If love is not in the equation, I invite you to ask yourself, “why am I doing this?”
Now, I encourage you not to become cynical with this question - ‘how much of it really matters?’ I know there are things we HAVE to do, whether we want to or not. But even while cleaning up the spilled milk, you can show love. Remember, every action for others (especially the littles) is a work of mercy. You are feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, providing shelter for the homeless.
In every Gospels, we see Jesus serving the hungry, healing the sick, forgiving the sinful.
When Jesus says ‘do this in memory of me’, it goes beyond the Eucharistic table. It goes out into the world.
Your deeds of love don’t have to be grandiose, just little moments in love through Christ. St Therese of Lisieux tells us "Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? Great deeds are forbidden me. The only way I can prove my love is by scattering flowers and these flowers are every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love."