Chapter 2 Wasteland: My Hungry Years
I am someone who has struggled with weight my whole life. I would never have used the word skinny to define myself, but I’m not sure I would use the word fat either. I’ve always been on the heavier side and as I grew older the “heavier” I became. At times I considered those too-good-to-be-true shakes, pills or diets, but those never felt right for me. Then last year when my husband suggested I give running a chance I bought the couch-to-5K app and told him it was the biggest waste of $3.00. However, to my surprise running became my new thing! Little did I know just how much would change for me when I started running! As I ran I realized that some days I came home feeling great and others I felt not-so-great so I started to look at my food intake. I’ve significantly decreased fast food, beef, and soda while increasing chicken, veggies and fruits. I’m not perfect and I still will have the occasional not-so-good-for-me food and I might regret it later, but sometimes it was worth it - whether it was the enjoyment of the food or the enjoyment of the company. Food controls us when we allow it to and that can send us down not so pleasant roads. What I’m learning is that I can be in control of what I eat by enjoying but not overindulging, by eating sensibly most of the time so that when I do indulge I’m not being “bad,” but that I’m enjoying food and community.
In the book she talks about feeling mentally, spiritually and emotionally sick. As I grow in my healthier habits I realize how “sick” I was too. As I regain a healthy relationship with food and a healthy image of my body I regain strength. Strength in my body, my mind and my soul. I approach life differently than I did a year and a half ago. There is a strength within me that was missing, which has led me on a journey to start looking into the spiritual practice of fasting, which we will explore more in a future chapter.
“I. Eat. Him. He – the almighty, all-knowing, all-loving Creator of the universe – comes to me as food, as the very thing I feared, as the very thing I hated. And not only does he come to me through the matter I despised, but he also becomes a part of the flesh I loathed. He gives himself to me, body to body, through the act of eating.” (page 22)