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Resisting Happiness BLOG

Chapter 17: An Unconventional Education

We can't see the future - we can only see what is just in front of us. The image I attached to this helps us to remember that faith is taking one step at a time even when we are not sure where it may lead.

What are steps that you are taking today?
What are steps you would like to see us taking in Adult Faith Formation to help you growing in faith?

Chapter 16: No Visitors

"A thirty-year-old woman is more comfortable saying no when a man asks her out on a date. Her twenty-two-year-old self might have said yes. But she knows herself better now. And she knows that a hot bath, a good book, and a nice glass of wine are better than some dates. She has learned to be comfortable in her own company. It is an invaluable lesson." (page 85)

I was 39 years old when my husband and I got married so this quote from today's chapter speaks to me. Growing up many children dream of getting married and having children, but what happens when you grow up and don't get married? Or when you get married older in life and don't have children? What about losing a spouse due to death or divorce? Life doesn't work the way the movies make it look - how do we live with ourselves?

In my late twenties a good friend asked what I was looking for in a partner and after I answered he asked me if I would settle for less and I said no. At that point in my life I knew what I wanted in a relationship and that I didn't need a relationship to feel fulfilled in my life. I knew that when the time was right God would send me the right person. The hard part of that conversation was knowing I was losing a good friend, the good thing was that I knew with all my heart that I was okay being on my own! I was good with who I was and whose I was!

What about you? Are you happy with who you are?

I found this poem etched in a mirror tile and it has been displayed in my office for years and years - it keeps me grounded:

The Face in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self / and the world makes you king for a day, / Just go the mirror and look at yourself / And see what the face has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or spouse / Whose judgment upon you must pass. / The person whose verdict counts most in your life / Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people might think your a straight-shooting chum / And call you a great gal or guy. / But the face in the glass says you’re only a bum / If you can’t look it straight in the eye.

That’s the one you much please – never mind all the rest, / That’s the one with you clear to the end. / And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test / If the face in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of year / And get pats on the back as you pass. / But your final reward will be heartache and tears / If you’ve cheated the face in the glass.

Chapter 15: Falling in Love

Books, conversation, TV, music, all these feed our minds, our mind feeds our thoughts, our thoughts feed our actions.

So what are you filling your mind with? Are you reading good spiritiual books that help you to feed on the Word of God? How about listening to music or talk radio that helps you to become a better Christian? When you enter into conversations are they focused on truth or gossip?

Matthew Kelly has his list of top ten books he encourages that all Catholics should read. But what about you? If you were to make a list of the top 10 what would you put on it?

I asked the staff: name one book that you have read that has made a significant impact on your spiritual journey - here's what they said:

  • Randy - “The Life of Pi,” by Yann Martel
  • Joyce - “Fresh Bread” by Joyce Rupp
  • Abby - "I Choose the Sky" By Emily Wilson
  • Becky - "The Heart of Centering Prayer" by Cynthia Bourgeault
  • Diane - "The Desert Pilgrim" by Mary Swander
  • Kayla - pick one: "Theology of the Body for Beginners" – Christopher West; "Toward God" by Michael Casey; "Why Children Matter" by Johann Christoph Arnold
  • Joan and Shelley - "The Shack" by Wm. Paul Young
  • Patty - There are several, but... "The Return of the Prodigal Son" by Henri Nouwen

Books, Movies, Music - affect our interior life and can push us to look at life differently. Be aware of what you read, listen to or watch - how does it speak to you? Where does it lead you?

Chapter 14: Interesting People

“Our lives change when our habits change!” (page 71)

Changing our habits is hard work! But the habits you choose each day – good and bad – change your life! So be strong and courageous in making good changes that will lead your life in a good direction!

Reading the Bible is life-changing. We hear the Scriptures preached at Mass on Sunday, but when you’ve become more familiar with the context from which the reading comes from the readings become more powerful. I invite you to consider Kelly’s challenge of reading the Gospel of Matthew in one sitting and then reading the New Testament one chapter a day. If that seems a bit daunting and you’re looking for a slightly lighter read – consider sitting with the daily Mass readings each day. You can find the readings HERE. (If you scroll to the bottom of the USCCB page you will find where you can sign up for the readings to be sent to your email every morning).

BUT do not stop at just reading the readings – spend time with them identify what stood out for you. A great suggestion is to use Lectio Divina – a wonderful way to pray with the scripture and to listen to what the Scripture is telling you.

Chapter 13: Hour by Hour

Have you ever considered your work to be holy? Have you considered that the mundane tasks of your day could be part of prayer?

Every day, every moment of your life is holy. Whether you are a CEO or a janitor, a doctor or a stay at home parent, a church employee or a trash collector your work is holy work! How do you embrace each day as you enter into your work? Do you enter as the neighbor Kelly talks about that expects to be paid for mediocre work, or as the neighbor who wants to do the best he can regardless of pay? Every day you get to choose which one you are as you wake up and begin your day.

I often pray during the day at work. When I am gathering materials for a study group and getting them put together I pray for the group or the individuals in it. When I am heading in to lead or participate in a group I pray for the group and I pray that the Holy Spirit lead me. When someone is coming in to meet with me I pray for them and again ask the Holy Spirit to guide my words. Outside of work I love to knit and crochet and whenever I pick up my yarn and needles I pray for the person who will receive this item – lots of times I don’t know who that might be. I started running in the fall, and as I settle into a steady rhythm I begin to pray, sometimes that prayer is a simple “God get me back home safely” and other times I let God lead!

This kind of praying through your day is not something that you will wake up one day and automatically do, it begins with being intentional. Many people are wearing “fitbits” or other similar devices that alert you when you’ve sat for too long – maybe we need to wear a spiritual “fitbit” to shake us when we’ve left God out of our day for too long. During your day every time you get up to move, to get water, or to go to the bathroom make an intentional decision to greet God at that moment and look ahead to see who or what is coming up and lift them up in prayer.

Chapter 12: Living Soulfully

Lots of really good thoughts in this chapter - I want to highlight two of them:

First: We all have these moments that Kelly calls "Pentecost" moments - where we feel fear or inhibition, but then after the event we feel confident in going out. I see lots of little "Pentecost" events in my life where I felt changed and strengthened by the expereince. This weekend is the women's CEW - a great moment for all women to come together, grow in faith and then go out to their families and friends renewed by the Spirit! (Men, your chance is coming in February!!)

Second: Kelly talks about how we cannot stand still in the spiritual life. We are always moving forward or backward - never standing still. To grow in holiness is to become the best version of yourself. Think about today - are you moving closer to God or further away? Are you the best version of yourself? What steps might you take to get closer to God today?

Chapter 11: Ordinary Things

It's easy to find God in the big, extraordinary things in life. The birth of a baby, a wedding, etc. But what about those days when you are cleaning the house and doing the laundry while the baby sleeps, or you and your spouse are both running in different directions and not able to spend time together? Those are ordinary every day things in life and God is present there also!

I try to remind parents at Baptism class that in the midst of the piles of laundry and the dishes stacked in the sink your home is a holy place and God abides there in your love! But in the ordinary every day it's easy to over look God's presence in the midst of it all. How do we raise our awareness of God's presence in the every day busy-ness of life or in the boring day to day tasks?

The more you enter into prayer daily, the more you are raising your awareness of God daily. This is a step in the right direction! I mentioned the examen a few days ago - this is a great prayer to use at the end of a day - sit and reflect on the day and find God's presence. It's still in hindsight as Matthew Kelly would say - but as we practice this gift of seeing God in hindsight we will begin to see God's presence in the NOW.

Take a moment now - where have you already seen God today?

Chapter 10: Get Busy Living

Wait a minute! We are talking about how to be happy and less than 50 pages in we are talking about death?

As I read this chapter I have two thoughts I want to briefly share with you.

First, I had what I can only explain as an amazing gift from God. A cousin of mine was diagnosed with cancer and there were enough signs that no cure would be found and as she told me when the diagnosis was made in the spring – “I can still buy green bananas, but I shouldn’t bother investing in a new winter coat”. I was given the gift of being able to walk beside her as she lived out her dying. I was able to be a witness to her faith, her complete surrender to God's will. It was a time of peace and grace-filled moments that have touched my life in profound ways. Often when I would leave her at the end of a day I would pray that God would increase my faith so that when/if I must walk my final days in a similar way I could do so with the faith and grace that she had.

My second thought in reading this chapter took me back to my counseling days. I would have all my clients complete an assignment where they were to write their own eulogy. I would have them share this eulogy with their group or individually with me. They would stand up and read aloud the things they would want others to remember about them. May of my clients would say things like – “he was a great guy, I loved being around him”, or “look at what he accomplished in his life”. After they completed this I would ask them are you living your life in a manner that people will authentically say this about you if you died tomorrow. Many of them had to admit that if they died tomorrow they didn’t want to know what people said.

We will all die one day, so today take a moment to consider your own eulogy. Are you living the life that you want people to remember? Are you the person you want to be remembered as? Look back at that list of wishes of dying people (page 50) is there one or two things on there you want to start changing today – or make as your Lent practice this year?

Chapter 9: Are you Spiritually Healthy?

Are you spiritually healthy? What an interesting question. How would one know if they were spiritually healthy? It's not like going to the doctor and getting blood tests or blood pressure checked, spiritual health isn't quite as measureable, or is it?

This fall when I started to run I had a friend who reminded me that although I wasn't seeing the scale move and no one was seeing the weight loss that I shouldn't discount what I knew was happening inside of me. I was noticing clothes fitting differently, I noticed that I was physically getting stronger, I noticed that I felt better and most noticeable to me I was starting to crave different foods that would fuel me rather than slow me down. These changes were things I knew were happening, but they weren't measurable by anyone else. I knew they were happening inside of me but I was the only one who could see it. Spiritual health is similar - it starts on the inside. As we spend time in prayer everyday and grow in relationship with God we start to feel a calmness that gives us strength, we start to feel different in situations - maybe uncomfortable some places and more at ease in others, we notice a craving to feed our prayer life so that it can fuel us through the day.

Just as my running has resulted in weight loss and buying smaller clothes I believe that daily prayer can lead to us to live lifes that begin to look different too.

**What are some signs to you of spiritual health? Think of someone in your life that you consider to be spiritually healthy - what are some characteristics you see in them?

Did you check out the Prayer Process in the back of the book? It's similar to the examen - a great way to process through your day or week. If you are looking for what to do in your 10 minutes of prayer today it's a great place to start!**

Give God your 10 minutes today!

Chapter 8: Four Words

When you think of God what is your image? What is your relationship with God?

For me God is a father figure - He loves me, He knows what is best for me, and I trust Him to lead to where I can be happy! God is my confidant, He is my companion, He is my rock when life feels rough!

A few years ago I was feeling like I wasn't following God in my life. I was working as Director of Religious Education yet felt called to a different ministry, yet I didn't feel it was time to leave my current position yet either - I was very conflicted! I went to God in prayer one day while I was at a women' conference. I fell to my knees in the adoration chapel and with tears in my eyes I questioned God - "What do you want of me?" His response? "Meet me in the chapel everyday at 4:00." I heard those words as if the person standing next to me had just said them. It took me a few days, but eventually I began going to the chapel for an hour a day at the end of my work day - entering into prayer and asking God "what do you want of me?" There were days that was my whole prayer for the hour. God's response - "yes I want you in this new ministry, but not yet". Eventually I was led to OLIH and the opportunity to grow in ministry in the ways I have felt called to! Praise God! But all of this is possible because I learned to pray these four words: THY WILL BE DONE and trust God's response!

Listen to this song and let the words help guide you to listen to God's will in your life!

Chapter 7: The Big Question

Have you ever asked the big question? "God, what should I do?"

Amazing things happen when you ask that question and listen for the answer. I've found that God always answers and when we take the time to listen to Him each day we can hear Him clearly. Sometimes His answer is yes, sometimes not yet and other times His answer is I have something better planned for you.

Plan a time to stop in the chapel today - on your way to work, on your way home, or over your lunch break - and spend just a few moments going over your day with God.

Chapter 6: Something is missing

Do you feel that restlessness that M.Kelly is talking about? There are so many ways that a person can numb that feeling and not address it. We all have vices that we use to keep ourselves busy or distracted, but not satisfied with our life.

“Our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in you.” Augustine of Hippo (354–430), in Confessions.

What do you do when you feel restless? Do you sit with that feeling and find the source? I know there are days when I need to sit in silence with God - to listen and to be listened to. That helps the feeling of restlessness in ways that chocolate, comfort food and Facebook never have and never will.

Consider spending some time in silence. Give God just 1% of your day - 15 minutes. Set aside some time and ask God to join you - sit quietly together.

Chapter 5: Life Is Messy

This chapter makes me think about the times that I have walked with a friend or family member through a tough time in their life. It's easier to say 'oh poor dear, that's too bad that happened to them' than it is to face them and say how can I walk with you? I think of my cousin who was dying and the impact I hope I made in her life by spending time with her as she waded through her final months on this earth. Her mess was definietly greater than anything I was going through, it would have been easier to not do anything, yet Matthew Kelly tells us that we need to take action and that by taking action we can overcome resistance. I found joy in going to sit by her side, talking to her about God, her joys and regrets in life. I found the time I spent with her to be very life giving to me. She sure helped me to put my mess into perspective!

"It's time to confront our own mess, how it affects us, and how our mess affects others. But it is also time to reach out to others who have mess greater or smaller than our own and be with them in their mess" (page 24).

What actions can you take to confront your mess? What actions can you take to reach out to someone in your life to walk with them through their mess?

Chapter 4: Resisting God

Do you resist God? What a thought! Resisting God is not something I consciously consider doing, but wow this put it out there for us to talk about! How often have I in my life felt called to something, yet choose to not do it? How often have I known something would be good for me, yet went another path?

I know that for me exercise is an area where I struggle! Last fall I started running. When I run I feel good, I notice wonderful changes to my body, mind & spirit, I can tell that I'm getting stronger, I've overcome obstacles that I never dreamed of overcoming - like the day I was running for 28 minutes straight and realized that just 2 months before I could barely run 8 of the 28 minutes of my first training! I cried with joy through the last half of my run - I never dreamed I could do this and yet here I was! My husband believed in me when I didn't, he knew I could do this when I doubted and feared I would fail. Now, this cold weather has zapped me and I've allowed resistance to have power over me more days than not. I know exercise is good, I've felt the positive effects, and yet I can still resist it. I think that's like resisting God - I know what it's like when I listen to Him and follow Him, it feels good, I grow in mind and spirit, and I overcome obstacles that I never dreamed I could on my own - I know that listening to God will make me stronger - so why do I (we) resist?

Have you ever considered that God wants you to be happy even more than you want it for yourself? Are you ready to stop resisting happiness in your life?

Chapter 3: Making Sense of Everything

Grab your calendar, open your online banking and pick up your phone.

  • Calendar: Where are you going and who are you spending your time with?
  • Money: If you were to identify where you spend your money in one month what would come in first and second place?
  • Phone: How much time do you spend looking at your phone? Which apps do you open the most? Which games or programs do you spend the most time on?

As you assess these three areas of life you will find what your life centers around. Is it your family? Is it yourself? Is it God? It’s easy to get wrapped up in our human life and lose focus of where God might be in our lives. I look at my own life and I know those days, weeks, months when I have consciously put God at the center. There is peacefulness in daily life, calmness within me. I recognize also those times when God is not center of my life, when I’ve shifted Him to the side for something else, those days life is rocky and uncomfortable.

There is a quote that is often attributed to St Francis de Sales:

“Everyone of us needs half an hour of prayer every day, except when we are busy—then we need an hour.”

This quote reminds me that no matter what is happening time with God is needed as much as eating and breathing! Time in prayer heals us and helps us to move forward. When we spend time in prayer daily it’s so much easier to keep God in the center of our lives!

So, if God were more central in your life what would look different on your calendar, where would your money be going and what would someone find on your phone? If God were central in your life how might your life be different?

Chapter 2: Your Quest for Happiness

  • Are you happy?
  • Do you know what makes you happy?
  • Do you know what gets in the way of your happiness?

I know the answer to all these questions for myself. Yes, I am happy, most of the time, but there are times when I let resistance get in the way of doing what helps me to be happy.

I like how Matthew Kelly shares that prayer, exercise and jumping into the day are the things that will help him to have a fabulous day, yet resistance is present every morning calling to him. I would say that for me prayer, exercise and a healthy breakfast are the three things I know will jump start and affect my whole day, yet the lure of hitting the snooze or talking myself into “I’ll go walking later” or checking facebook, email or anything else ‘real quick’ or just grabbing a breakfast bar as I run out the door will immediate derail my morning and possibly my day. I know this, yet resistance has power and will take over if given the chance.


  • What are the three things for you that help you to jump start your day, or is the “bulletproof recipe for me to exponentially increase my chances of having a fabulous day” (page 8)?
  • How does resistance call to you?**

Chapter 1: Resistance

We face resistance every day, all day! In the first few hours of my day I can already see it – some days I give in to it and other days I overpower it!

At any given moment of a day we are faced with a decision – to resist or not. Do we do what we know we should be doing, or do we find quasi-valid reasons to not do them? How often at the end of a day do we look back and say ‘what did I accomplish today’ and realize that all we did was resist doing what we needed, or even wanted, to do?

I can’t tell you how many times I sit down to read a book or work on a project to be interrupted by a text or message on my phone and then I end up going from one thing to the next on my phone for an hour! It’s easy to get lost in the resistance of doing even what we want to do!

Every morning we have a chance to start our day giving in to resistance or overcoming it! I believe that how we start the day can have an effect on the rest of the day. I notice a difference in the days when I start it out by hitting the snooze button until I absolutely have to get up versus the days I get up and go the first time my alarm goes off. Even with knowing the difference it is still so easy to let resistance take control. I know the tools that help me to overcome resistance, but sometimes I even resist them!

Matthew Kelly suggests that there is one way to overcome resistance and that is to NAME IT. “Simply naming, defining, and learning to recognize resistance in the moments of our days causes it to lost most of its power over us” (page 4).

What name would you give resistance in your life? Do you recognize where/when resistance has taken over in your day?

Did you get your book at Christmas/New Year's Mass? If not there are a few left in the office - stop by and pick one up.

Monday, January 9 we will begin to read one chapter a day Monday through Friday. Follow along with us, comment and share your thoughts on the posts, and together let us recognize the resistance in our lives that may just be holding us back from the peace and happiness that God wants us to have in our lives!

We won't do any reading/posting on the weekend so you can spend the weekend catching up on reading or practicing ways to beat resistance and find happiness!

This Christmas we are handing out Matthew Kelly's book - Resisting Happiness. Pick up your copy, browse through it if you'd like and get ready to do an all parish read! Using this blog and Facebook we are looking forward to reading the book together and sharing our thoughts as we go - one chapter at a time!

Starting Monday January 9th we will read one chapter a day Monday through Friday. Use the weekends to focus on Mass and catch up on your reading if needed! We should end this book on Tuesday, February 28 - just in time to begin our Lenten journey!

So, starting on Monday, January 9th there will be a daily post here and on Facebook to get the discussion started! Read, log-in, and let's explore how to stop resisting and sabotaging our happiness!

When you're done with the book - put it on your shelf for future reading OR hand it off to someone who you think could use the message!